


Where The Sunshine Slows

by monkiainen



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Break Up, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, M/M, Miscommunication, Underage Drug Use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-06-01 19:42:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,008
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15150434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/monkiainen/pseuds/monkiainen
Summary: To Steve, the world is ending.





	Where The Sunshine Slows

**Author's Note:**

> For Cap-IM Bingo, the square _"World Is Ending (It Must Be Tuesday)"_

And now, this was it.

The end of the world as we know it.

It wasn't anything spectacular, or magnificent, or remarkable in any way. Things just… happened, over the course of time.

Steve had known from the start that Tony had a questionable past – if he had wanted, he would have been able to read and see everything Tony had ever done. But Steve hadn't wanted to do that, no. He had wanted to get to know Tony from first-hand experience, and not from the tabloids or internet memes. _(in hindsight, the tabloids would have been more truthful than Tony had ever been)_

So yes, Steve had known about the drugs. A young boy, completely out of his depth when it came to navigating the social mine field also known as student life, had been so desperate to impress his "friends" he had been willing to do anything and everything to be popular. Things had got out of hand, and soon Tony had been firmly hooked on cocaine. He had denied at first – no, he was not an addict, he only used cocaine at parties and he could quit every time he wanted.

Except he couldn't, wouldn't, not even when his parents were killed and Tony soon discovered himself as the CEO of the most powerful company in the world. It wouldn't kill anyone if Tony used just a little bit every now and then, just to make himself feel better and handle the pressure? Of course it wouldn't, because Tony was responsible and never took more he could handle.

Steve knew that it hadn't been like that, not even close to it. Tony had been firmly hooked, and if it hadn't been for Pepper Tony would have probably died before his 40th birthday.

Afghanistan… it changed something in Tony permanently. He wanted to be a better man, to be the responsible adult for once in his life and make a change in the world.

It only lasted up until the moment Obadiah Stane tried to kill Tony.

To Steve Tony always said he had been an addict, but he was now fully recovered and had been clean for many years now. Tony said he would never go back to the old ways, because he had changed for the better. Tony said he loved Steve, and would never leave him.

All of those things were lies. Or half-truths, if you ask it from Tony. _(which Steve won't do, because his tolerance for lies has been crossed aeons ago)_

Steve had thought he had finally found the right person for him – the one he could spend the rest of his life with. The one Steve wouldn't leave behind, like he had done with Peggy and Bucky. But the world wasn't the same anymore, and love didn't mean a thing to people. Nobody talked about everlasting love, and vowed to love each other for better and for worse. Till death do us apart was once a sacred thing – now it was seen as a relic, an outdated institution. Why would anyone want to bind themselves to one person only until all eternity, when they could have everyone, every time, everywhere?

Steve had hoped, and begged, and prayed, but no one had heard him.

And then the day came when the world ended.

Steve never looked back, never, even if it broke him to tiny little pieces. It was better this way – to him or Tony he could not tell. Clearly they were not meant for each other if they could be brought apart so easily. Steve had tried, oh he had tried, but there were some things even Captain America couldn't fix. Tony Stark was one of those things.

Tony never asked Steve to come back.

Was it because of his pride, or self-esteem, or that drugs were more important to Tony than Steve nobody knew. It was like their relationship had never even existed. Steve told everyone he was over Tony for good. If only it had been so easy, so smooth. Steve desperately wished he could get drunk so he could drink his sorrows away for just one night. But it didn't matter how much he drank – Steve could still remember everything about Tony.

How Tony had smiled, laughed, carefree, ideas bigger than no man before him had thought. How Tony had cried, vowed, swore he was not doing drugs anymore. And how it had all crumbled apart, little by little, until there was nothing left of the man Steve had thought he knew inside and out.

Love is blind, the saying goes. And no one had ever been so blind than Steve – the good ole fashioned lover boy, cherishing the ideas that had already been outdated before Steve had even been born. There was no such thing as "true love" or "everlasting love". There were only people, looking for someone to spend the night with and then vanish when the morning came.

It was not how Steve had imagined his life would turn out, but if this was how everybody and their friends were doing things these days then Steve should do it, too. He didn't want to be a relic anymore, a romanticized ideal from the times longs gone.

If Bucky were here, he would know what to do and say to make things right. Bucky had always known the right words, even in the wrong situations.

Sometimes Steve misses Bucky so much it hurts. At least with Bucky Steve knew from the start how things would turn out between them – no lies, no masks, no pretending. Steve better learn to remember not everyone would be as chivalrous as Bucky had been.

Tony hadn't been, and look where they were now?

It must be Tuesday, because the world is ending. There is no "us" or "we" anymore. There are only two individuals, drifted apart. Nothing could keep them together, nothing. Steve is numb, numb, numb – more numb than he was when his plane hit the icy waters and everything turned black.

Tomorrow will be Wednesday.


End file.
